One common reason people get married is because of moral value: Legal sex. We were all raised to understand that pre-marital sex is not allowed, and that it's dishonorable to engage in such. We were made to believe in the value of virginity. Of course, boys have something different, but with girls, we were told to wait. That sex is not done in haste.
1. Play hard to get.
2. Don't give the guy money, nor pay for his expenses.
3. Don't sleep with until the time is right.
These are the unwritten rules girls are made to believe, but i don't think everybody knew these. As for me? I only followed rule number 2. I had a rule of test driving, because an adult relationship is never without sex. I have heard of "girls waiting" for that magical night, until, a persuasive boy comes along, or her friends teasing her about it.... There goes her chastity! Precious few actually was able to resist that pressure.
This pre-marital sex thing is still a huge issue. But i know it's irrelevant to what i want to talk about. I'm going to dig inside this "matchmaking" marriages.
We start with matchmaking. I have encountered dating sites, and i believe it's for people who want to "date" and have partners to go to movies, do a fuck fest, emotional support, the usual blah of dating. Not that I'm against it. I believe in honest to goodness SEE ME and decide. You like me, i like you, we go test drive. Then pick it up from there.
I'm not from a matchmaking made in the Philippines. My husband was really my student. His schedule with me was 3-5 PM on his first 2 months, and 1-3 PM on his last two months. He requested for me.
I didn't marry him because i wanted to. I love him, all my soul, but it was the right thing to do. I was pregnant and I do not want my son to be labled. We agreed to get married. He did not propose, and it was me who chose and bought our engagement ring (now missing). I worked my way around the idea, and i only wanted a signed paper. He did everything i asked him to do. And there's one thing on this agreement: we're growing old together.
After my parents disowned me (now running four years solid), we went to Korea where husband's parents threw him a wedding. I had to agree. He's first born of the first born patriarch. WE agreed to get married, it's mutual, so i had to respect his culture. That is our wedding ring: platinum encrusted diamond in a white gold band (i'm allergic to yellow gold). I only wore that a couple times. =)
To be fair, i went and checked out a matchmaking agency. I went looking around at women, Filipino women in particular (I'm bi, i can differentiate pretty and not). I looked at their profiles, and i have to admit i am nauseated. I chose a category nearer to me: Same age group/generation, same height and weight, different religious backgrounds. What does it take to be in a matchmaking agency? I saw their pictures are taken in a similar fashion... sexy clothing but not too revealing, photo make-up, hair to look natural but obviously styled. In short, it was a photo shoot to make maximum impact to any guy who would look...
They're not that bad-looking. Some are even cuter than normal, and some are just plain GORgeous. But what, and i mean WHAT kind of urge do these women have to sign up for such things?
Financial security? I get that even as an undergrad i had a career and i had job offers; and not all girls/women have that. Call me lucky.
True love? How can you say that it's love when you haven't even seen the guy? That the guy is courting through an online site? The complications of love is another matter, but it's not really rocket science: IT'S NOT LOVE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE OTHER'S FLAWS. Will you still love the guy even if he had started verbally abusing you? Had started hitting? Had shared you with his friends? Had belittled your personality and insulted your intelligence EVEN if he holds your hand? Even if he looks presentable, an abuser knows how to hide.
Men who have secrets? They won't tell you that they have a problem till you're in there and it's too late.
You want to get married? So there goes the true love issue again. Or is it just because of the word marriage?
Job opportunities? You don't have to get married to any country national to get a job. Us Filipinos are known for those things. We work abroad, regardless of what job. Sure it's like passing through a needle hole, but what job interview doesn't?
To send money home and help your family get a better life? Seriously? I know that not everybody had good financial status (i'm cheap, ignore me) and that they want to help their parents have a better life. But at the risk of your vagina? (too vulgar?) I'm getting worked up here.
To have sex? I don't think so. Is there anybody from a matchmaking made somewhere in it for sex?
Change of citizenship? THAT?? No, no, no, no, no. Philippines, bad as the country can get, the economy in trash, you're still a part of it. Nothing, but the name of your country will change, but physically, mentally, almost everything, except country... YOU'RE A FILIPINO.
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay mas malansa pa sa mabahong isda.
Translated: He who does not love his own language has a much worse stench than a rotting fish. Familiar?
IN matters of love: WOMEN do not fall in love at first sight. MEN do.
And men could get pretty creative and pursuasive. What women hold is the power to resist.
reijene blues: I really am part of a minority: powerful women. I have a pet project, working my way around it, and this is my hidden agenda: EMPOWER girls that they are better than they think.
next in line: arranged marriage.