Friday, June 12, 2009

My diary, go away!

This entry was done because an idiot suddenly came and decided he'd be a bitch. My apologies if you're nice and then you had to read this.

There's a warning on my profile: i am disturbed. this is my outlet, and i do not need anyone to point that one out. I did not ask you to come here and be sympathetic, or insult what i am trying to change or do. I am not angry, not yet. I am not bitter, rather annoyed. Try and feed the fire and it might explode.

It is my journal, meant for me and me alone. Nobody begged you to read it.

I wouldn't know as i have NEVER been to Angeles City, but it has a reputation. Not everyone who went there shared the same sentiments as Teddy Roosevelt did. Of course, you wouldn't know nor care as it's one of the darkest parts of our history. Funny you mentioned it and not know how that place turned out.

You called me poor. Were you there when i was born, or when i was raised, or when i was studying? Your country is no doubt wealthier than my motherland, but that doesn't mean we didn't have status nor standards. I know what we are, and i am not one of the stereotype mail-ordered from a matchmaking agency. Course, since you're an idiot too, you will NEVER understand, but I have time, i will explain to a simpleton how.

My husband was my student. We dated, we were in-love, had pre-marital sex (aka fuckfest), i was an idiot then I had a baby before we got married. That's why i am disowned. My father's family is Chinese, my mother's is partially Spanish. Do you have any idea how they raised daughters?

There's more... husband has no religion. My father would have murdered me if he found out i tried to go to other churches. Knowing that husband was an atheist he was infuriated even more. My mother's side had already threatened to dispose this man i share my life with. I can either choose to save him or live a life full of guilt. This part of my life is over. I am happy with my choice.

My life, as you called it sad and pathetic only has ONE factor that you see. I'm married. The word has it's own complications, you wouldn't know as you are still dating. Having kids immediately isn't as bad as you picture it to be. it's not toxic, means we are both healthy so we have to be careful. You only encountered a couple of Filipinos, the stereotypes, and you already judged and assumed that everybody gets pregnant right after marriage. You really are an imbecile.

This was actually our second school. The first one was taken away because of office politics with the Korean counterparts. Through some contract technicalities we were not able to retrieve what we invested. The SOB left there is so happy as he was able to get three times his money's worth, plus the entire school itself. We declared bankruptcy, meaning our SAVINGS WERE ZEROED. We still have an income, and we still pay the bills on time. Not like we're in the "government budget" the way US poor people do. Panic season for us starts in two years, when my son will need to go to school. If I think of their future, i plan (rather five months ago). Course if i were in speaking terms with my father it would be easier... but i don't want to. i prefer my way, and my way alone. With this i am happy. Not satisfied, as satisfaction is not an easy thing to achieve, but comfortable. Obviously i want a greener pasture as i am trying to build up our savings again, and to re-establish what we (husband and i) agreed: me working, him my house husband.

There! We're not stereotype. Nowhere near.

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