Monday, April 20, 2009


I admit! I'm a good girl, in every sense. The idea of me being bitchy and snappy is a cover up, because i usually am taken advantage of. I hate that. I soo despised it because; 1. even my mother did it, and; 2. I was brought up like a Spanish daughter. If you don't know how that one works out, think of it like this: you know i exist, but you have NEVER seen me. In rare occassions wherein you decided to visit my father's house, you will ONLY get a whiff of my existence, and NEVER see me for the rest of your stay, unless you were invited for an over-nighter.

Although, part of me really is a bitch. I became tough love.. that is, four years after i left.

My prejudice against Native Speakers? It's only because i am discriminated against them. Well, not just me, but the rest of my kind. And it's not fair. Life's never fair, but all i can do is hate the twisted system altogether. I have, as the rest of Korea calls it, NATIVE SPEAKER friends. They're very sweet people, and i have even invited some of them to work here when the job market opened. Sometimes, when i'm watching kiddie TV programs, and i see some NS making mistakes, i get so worked up, then i start ranting (yet again) on why the system is soo perplexing.

I don't like Caucasians because, they creep me out. They remind me of perverts that roam around the cities of Manila when night falls. Oh, alright! Because my mother and my father brainwashed me that they're not good people. So are the Japanese and Korean people. Although i proved to them that Korean people are quite kind, i think running away with my now-husband might have given them a much worse impression. =P. My friends from the old school i worked at thought i was very naive, because i do, and say only what my mother puts on my head, and my mouth. Took me a while to get my own words back. I even lost a very good friend because my mother put ideas on my head, and didn't trust my own judgement. That good friend, is still very mad at me. I apologized to her after realizing what happened, and she didn't bother herself with it. That much damage.

SO now, every bit of me is working hard to have an identity. Far from my mother's words, and different from my father's, SOmewhere in me, the little girl with my mother's ideas and words sometimes comes out and play, and she destroys good relationships i had. The new person i am trying to be, is trying to murder her. =)

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