Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Pain of Searching

And let the drama queen lose control.

Yes, i am currently looking for a job. A job that can help pay the bills and give my kids the same luxury i was used to. Selfish of me to even think of it. But Korea and Philippines have a very different lifestyle comparatively. And the lifestyle that i was used to? It is a very extravagant lifestyle here in Korea. It was also an expensive living in the Philippines, but i was working, and my dad gave me money, and my mother is an amazing chef who introduces different kinds of cuisine all the time. Some of it i am not fond of, but i can assure you that no matter where you're from, you'll love what she'll serve.

I just revealed my country of origin, which now labels me as a non-native speaker. Although my first language was English (ask my mom if you ever find her), had my education on prestigious private schools and learned how to interact with people on public schools, i still cannot deny the fact that without a diploma, my abilities, or talent, are useless. Sure i have passion for teaching, and i love challenges. I love doing new things, and i love meeting people. I am charming and confident, but I'm no beauty. And these are the qualities i am proud of. But all those crap are useless because i am searching for jobs online.

The job market is searching for Native Speakers. And there goes my prejudice again. My chance of getting a job, in this business, is about 5 - 95%. 95 % to get denied. One: my skin color will speak for itself, but without a personal interview, i won't be able to prove myself. Two: No bachelor's degree. I am very articulate, and well-versed on so many aspects but not on Math and Rocket Science. Although i was one of the highest paid and less sought teachers (i was challengingly difficult because i was teaching slang, language evolution and idiomatic expressions) from the last school i worked, i can't prove it anymore because the idiot secretary of that school, who handles basically every administration need, has a feud with me, and casually married the Korean manager whom i was in great terms with. Her feud and mine started about 4 years ago, got hotter when i was carrying my second child, and is still scorching because... well. That's a very long story. if i ever have nothing to do, and i have too much time on my hands, i will share why we're this explosive. So before getting lost into this dizzying array of thoughts, I'll proceed with my third reason: Baggage. Two kids. I don't think Korea is ready for working mothers. I have not met any working mothers here, and my baggage is a toddler, and a 3-year- old kid. I don't know if that's a reason in this country, but to me, my baggage is my reason.

About two years ago, a professor in Chonnam University offered me a spot in an English Village, but we (husband and i) denied it. The place was about an hour away, and will require me to stay. My child, being an infant, i wasn't ready. And my husband pointed out a good reason: who'll watch our baby? Today, I'm thinking: DAMN, I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT JOB!

And now, since i am not in Seoul, my chances of getting a job is soooo slim, unless i advertise myself on schools, and teach privately. But as another blogger kindly shared couple weeks ago, private teaching here in Korea is illegal. So now i am trying to find me a job every night.

Although i cannot find my resume in this computer. Maybe it's on the other computer. That the case, I'll find it tomorrow, and go to sleep. I still have morning tasks, you know. Taking care of my kids.

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